Lady Gaga has recently opened up about her harrowing experience of being sexually assaulted as a teenager. She revealed that she suffered a “total psychotic break” for years after being left pregnant by her alleged rapist.
The 35-year-old superstar recalled her traumatic experience in an emotional appearance on the premiere episode of “The Me You Can’t See,” a documentary series on mental health, which is co-created by Prince Harry and Oprah Winfrey.
Tearfully, Gaga recalled the painful moment, stating that an unnamed producer demanded her to take her clothes off before threatening to burn her music.
“I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,’” the Grammy award-winning singer said. “And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and then I just froze and I just … I don’t even remember.”
Without naming her alleged attacker, Gaga said, “I understand this #Metoo movement, I understand that some others feel really comfortable with this, and I do not, I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous.”
Years later, she was diagnosed with PTSD. She had to be hospitalized for chronic pain. In 2016, she revealed her PTSD diagnosis.
Gaga explained, “First, I felt full-on pain, then I went numb. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after. And I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting, and sick. Because I’d been being abused, I was locked away in a studio for months.”
“The way that I feel when I feel pain is how I felt after I was raped,” she added. “I’ve had so many MRIs and scans. They don’t find nothing, but your body remembers.”
Gaga went on to say that it took years for her to recover from the trauma.
The Shallow singer revealed, “I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl,” discussing that she has impulses to self-harm.
“It’s a really very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud following you wherever you go, telling you that you’re worthless and should die,” she said. “And I used to scream and throw myself against the wall.”
Gaga said, “You know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody, ‘Hey, look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help. I always tell people ‘Tell somebody, don’t show somebody’”
Now, Gaga said she is on the path of healing, which involves “trying to make sure I give back with that experience, instead of, I don’t know, locking it away and faking it.” The story was published on MyNBC5.
